Thursday, November 24, 2011

Implied Thanks...

Are there people in your life that do not need/deserve to hear the words thank you? Not in a mean way....cause it should magically be known to them. On this day of thanks this question is weighing heavy on me....so forget about the fact that i haven't written in a while....sometimes you have to wait for the right thing to get off your chest.

My manfriend thinks I need therapy....and while i think everyone on the planet could benefit from a few counseling sessions, i think he thinks i need it for the wrong reasons. I like to be appreciated...verbally...like most people. I think it's rude to do something for someone regardless of who they are and they not show some appreciation. He disagrees. He thinks by proxy of being his woman, i should not have to hear the words...i should just magically know that he is thankful, that he appreciates it. Our relationship should not need extra words like thank you for stuff i guess i'm supposed to do. While i understand his logic, i think he's wrong. Just because he doesn't need appreciation or need to hear it, I do. He said, "I hate when you say "thank you" to me". In fact, when i do say it, his standard response is, "yeah, yeah, whatever." Who does that? The correct response is "Your Welcome or My pleasure"

It feels good to say thank you...out loud...regardless if it is implied, regardless if we our lovers or strangers on the street. It shows compassion and the human part of all of us. It's a small way to say, "I appreciate you and the big/small gesture of kindness you sent my way." Me needing to hear it or needing to say it doesn't mean i need counseling or i'm needy or i'm insecure...it means that 1) i'm not rude, 2) i'm human, and 3) no one in my life is beneath getting a verbal appreciation.....dare i say it's normal....it's the right thing to do!

Sometimes, two little words like "Thank You" or "I'm Sorry" goes such a long way to making EVERYTHING better. Am i off? or is he? Is he just emotionally detached that even the smallest gestures of thanks are lost on him? And while it is not in his nature to say the words, do i deserve to at least hear them cause they make me feel like I matter? I don't want you to be fake or disingenuous....but does it really diminish who you are to make me feel human? It's not just him...my students do it all that time....i give and give and they take and take and they forget to say "Hey thanks..for staying late, helping/running our event, making sure i/we don't drop the ball"....do i sound bitter? Ungrateful?

I don't need much...a simple word of thanks now and again....at least on the semi big stuff: you borrowed my car, i made your fave dish, i paid for dinner, i shot and posted 600 photos of your last event...(yea students thats aimed at you) is not a lot to ask and is not a case for counseling....i'm not a mind reader and even though you are thankful on the inside...take one step and let me know you are on the outside. Sometimes we forget, but make an effort to do the stuff that matters...

Have a AMAZING Thanksgiving Day! I hope your day is full of thanks, food, and leaves you feeling special....i think i'm back ya'll...so much to say....i should say it soon

Get at me....

4 comments:

Rhonda A. said...

Hey, girl. Been thinking about you lately. Lived your post! Yes, you deserve a please & thank you! Tell your boo he may be the one who needs counseling or at least some home-training. Love ya!
Rhonda

R_J_T said...

Are you out of your mind? It's /him/ who needs a mental health check. Recognizing others efforts isn't just something we do for people we don't know. I think it's especially important that we let the people we love know that we value their efforts. Just keep on thankin' him, M, and hopefully your good grace and manners will rub off!

Also - I'm thankful for you, today, Middle School Jazz Band, which brought us together...

ORJ said...

For some, saying thank-you (or receiving it) is about discomfort with vulnerability. If I say thank-you, I show you that I was vulnerable; that you helped me; that I somehow depended on you. But if somebody loves you, and doesn't take advantage of that vulnerability, then being vulnerable is a beautiful thing: "I depend on you; I benefit from you; sometimes I even need you. Thank you for being willing to support my life in big and small ways." Moreover, there is nothing wrong with wanting to hear "thank you" from our loved ones. Love is a verb; part of that very is by affirmatively telling people how we appreciate them.

Finally, an inability to receive thanks sometimes reveals a person's discomfort with being appreciated, akin to people who cannot take compliments because deep down they believe they are not worthy. Now, THAT might warrant some therapy! LOL!

Anonymous said...

Thanks is not a word, it is a state of mind. It would be natural and flow freely if it was felt deep down inside. When you truly appreciate something someone has done for you, big or small, the words "thank you" should flow from your mouth like water from a faucet. Sometimes we take for granted what we have, what someone else has done for us, we act as if it is just a given. The words thank you not only acknowledge to the other person you are greatful for there action, they vaildate to them that they are appreciated and valued beyond the action. You shouldnt have to expect that, you shouldnt have to hear that you need counsling. He needs counsling. Dont let anyone take advantage of your sweet, giving spirit, you deserve nothing less then what you give. If you ask me, you deserve more. Cut him loose for a minute and i bet once he realizes what he had is gone hits him, words like "thank you", i appreciate you", "you are so amazing", "what would i do without you" would roll of his tounge like rain water through a downspout. Sometimes a wake up call is needed. That is a BASIC need, we all need affirmation and validation that are actions appreciated. If something so simple is absent from his mind, he needs a stearn kick in the ass. Take it from someone who has been in his position, who took someone for granted and lost out on the most wonderful person they had ever known, make him realize it now and he will never forget it, that you are worth saying those couple measly words too and not only saying them but meaning them when he does spit them out. We never appreciate truly what we have till it is lost. love to pascal