Tuesday, November 24, 2009

From Blues....to Thanks

So those of you who know me, know that I hate the period between Thanksgiving and New Year's....I get the holiday blues...really bad...in fact it just gets worse every year I get older. We "celebrated" Thanksgiving, Xmas, and New Year's in my immediate family for the most part. There were family dinners, sometimes even parties and my mom would cook her ASS off!!! (Shout outs to my mom and her cooking! She doesn't cook all the time like she used to but even as a vegetarian I will eat ANYTHING that women puts in front of me!) However, for many years the holidays just masked the real problems in my childhood....my parents arguing, my "troubles" and the fact that we were just not a solid family....we just faked it really well.

After my sister and I went to college, and my parents split, my visits home just became less and less and the holiday festivities were just not celebrated anymore. Our house became quite....cold....un-festive....so going home or being with family was just not a big deal like it is for other people. So it has carried on as I have become an adult. My sister and her husband don't buy into the pillaging of the Native peoples and the commercialism of Xmas so they don't celebrate, my mom is single and prefers to pass he tholiday seasons with her sisters or more importantly her first grandchild and I too don't buy into Thanksgiving and again celebrating the giving of small poxs to the Native Americans.....as for Christmas I think I am more traditional than most people think and O Holy Night still invokes my spirit, but there is no one to buy gifts for and sitting solo in Midnight Mass feels a bit depressing.....in reality I have slept through Thanksgiving and Xmas and New Year's more times than I could count and nothing says yummy like Chinese food on Christmas Day (shout outs to Chinese food places that hook it up and are the only people open during "major" holidays!). Let's face it, Christmas is for family and as much as I love mine.....today mine is not the traditional family that gets together, puts up a tree, and eats a BIG meal together.....I guess the traditional girl in me misses that. I hear my friends say stuff like, "If I didn't go home for Thanksgiving/Christmas, my mom would KILL me!" Ummmm, yea...my mom is not going to kill me...in fact she's not even expecting me....LOL.....

Last year I thought it was going to be different....I was in a relationship and I thought that we would do presents and a tree and even light my house...we would go over to my friends' house for Thanksgiving and all would be well....well we fought throughout the entire holiday season...I went to my sorors' house alone for Thanksgiving and made some excuse about where he was...there were no gifts at Christmas and by that time we were sleeping in separate rooms....and New Year's? We spent it in our separate corners of the house and I watched the ball drop by myself and clanked my own glass with a bottle of wine.....It was not the holiday season I envisioned and there was NOTHING merry about it...not to mention I had major surgery and spent most of December in pain, trying to recover....

So a year later here I am....still bluesy....still loathing the tinsel, egg nog, and commercials for turkey and stuffing....looking forward to some sales, but unmotivated to actually getting up early and joining the fray to shop at 5AM (However the COACH outlet is having a sale at midnight this Friday....i might have to hit that up...GIFTS FOR ME!!!).....i don't think my mood is going to change, but i had a thought today as my students starting leaving for their trips home for turkey...even though my life is not like everyone else and even though I am not happy.....i am thankful... so here is my list of thanks.....

I am thankful for....

My Friends/Sorors
They have never let me down since college when it come to Thanksgiving. I have spent this coveted dinner meal with some of my closest buds and them knowing my situation have never let me eat alone if they could help it. I appreciate that more than they know and as i tear up right now I am so lucky for friends and sorority sisters that care and consider me family....So thanks Alonda and your fam for dinners in DE, thanks Lisa for community service and fancy dinners in DC, and thanks Antie for letting me grub at your table....Holidays or not, my friends/sorors have been a constant in my life

My Job/Career
In a time of economic uncertainty, it is good to know that I am gainfully employed, I can pay my bills, and I can live somewhat comfortably. I am thankful for my education that has afforded me a career that I am actually good at...It's not always stress free and there is tons of drama...but I LOVE it....it is a joy and pleasure to touch and affect young students everyday and feel that in some small way, I make a difference. So thank you UNC Charlotte and CAMPUSPEAK for giving me security and the opportunity to do what I know I was put on earth to do

Pascal
Oh Pascal....what would i do without this little dog....through all the craziness in my life in the last year, this little dog has licked my face when I cried, curled up on my lap when i needed a buddy, kept my bed warm with his furry body, forced me to exercise by walking him and gotten into enough mischief to keep my life interesting. I love this dog like no other....i feel lonely most of the time but Pascal takes the edge off by being that other breathing being in my house...i talk and he listens....never judges, never interrupts...He is ALWAYS happy to see me, even when I leave hime home for 6 hours at a time....if not for this dog, there are some days in the last 6 months that I would not have gotten out of bed....Thank God for Pascal

My Family
We are not perfect like a puzzle piece or a perfect portrait like the Waltons, but i love my sister and my mom....they are the only immediate family I have...My sister and her husband gave us Kisaye my niece and I have not seen her since she was born....I miss her and I wish i had the means to fly down and see her every weekend....and even though she is driving my sister crazy by sleeping in 2-3 hour spurts.....I think my sister is an AWESOME mom and Kisaye is lucky to have my sister as her mommy....Like there was any doubt cause our mom is AWESOME....our relationship has not always been ideal but as an adult she and I are close friends and I can not imagine my life without her.....she works hard, she if selfless, and she respects my thoughts and decisions......most importantly she respects the woman I am today (her amazing genes are also a blessing...have you seen my mom on FB? She's a goddess!!!)....I am thankful for my family....the version they are today.

Guilty Pleasures
I will not harp on these things since they are mostly superficial....but I am thankful for them so they get a brief shout out:

My Blackberry (sorry I dropped you in the toilet and thank you for having insurance on you and sending me a replacement in the mail in 3 days!)
My VERY BIG TV....51 inches of joy and every TV event is like going to the movies :)
Moscato Wine....yummy....thanks for keeping me company and cutting me off when I have had too much :)
FB....yea I said it...Facebook.....you keep me entertained, connected, and is a mindless distraction of all my woes....
COACH....how I love thee...let me count the ways....
My Laptop....i am thankful that you still work and that you are my constant link to any type of connection to that outside world.

So from Blues to Thanks....still hate this time of year, but I am trying to keep a positive attitude and remember that i have much to be thankful for......Maybe I can work on having a better year in 2010....get out of my holiday rut and hit the new year with vim and vigor....till them....Bah Humbug and Blessings to you....

Get at me...

4 comments:

Thomas said...

Hi Michelle...it's Thomas.

Enjoyed the read.

I often forget that people don't celebrate holidays as my family does. I guess I'm jaded. I hope that even in a lonely sort of season that you do find amazing company in your group of friends. For the last couple of years, I have chosen to spend New Years with my friends. We cry and celebrate changes we want to make...and we drink BACK!

Aww Michelle, this makes me sad. Add me to your BBM. PIN: 30E6CB40. Let's chat more often!

Adrian said...

Wow Michelle I was def. feeling like this today. I was down to the last 5 mins. before i decided to go home. I don't understand why I came ( i guess just to support and see my mother). My parents seem to clearly be on the edge of a divorce as well. Besides that however, I do want you to know that I appreciate everything you do for us here at UNCC. Anytime I wanna come in there and talk you always listen and give advice. You don't find many people like that anymore.

eXot1c DYNASTY said...

Hey Michelle,

Letting you know that your "children" will always be here for you when you need us ;)

- Shirley

Keeley said...

I'm sorry to hear that the holidays make you sad, but I'm happy to read that you have a lot to be thankful for. I survived two family divorces before age 18, so I know a lot about drama. What I do know is that as adults we get to make our own traditions and make the holidays any way we want. It is what it is. Don't forget that. Happy Thanksgiving!