Implied Thanks...

Are there people in your life that do not need/deserve to hear the words thank you? Not in a mean way....cause it should magically be known to them. On this day of thanks this question is weighing heavy on me....so forget about the fact that i haven't written in a while....sometimes you have to wait for the right thing to get off your chest.

My manfriend thinks I need therapy....and while i think everyone on the planet could benefit from a few counseling sessions, i think he thinks i need it for the wrong reasons. I like to be appreciated...verbally...like most people. I think it's rude to do something for someone regardless of who they are and they not show some appreciation. He disagrees. He thinks by proxy of being his woman, i should not have to hear the words...i should just magically know that he is thankful, that he appreciates it. Our relationship should not need extra words like thank you for stuff i guess i'm supposed to do. While i understand his logic, i think he's wrong. Just because he doesn't need appreciation or need to hear it, I do. He said, "I hate when you say "thank you" to me". In fact, when i do say it, his standard response is, "yeah, yeah, whatever." Who does that? The correct response is "Your Welcome or My pleasure"

It feels good to say thank you...out loud...regardless if it is implied, regardless if we our lovers or strangers on the street. It shows compassion and the human part of all of us. It's a small way to say, "I appreciate you and the big/small gesture of kindness you sent my way." Me needing to hear it or needing to say it doesn't mean i need counseling or i'm needy or i'm insecure...it means that 1) i'm not rude, 2) i'm human, and 3) no one in my life is beneath getting a verbal appreciation.....dare i say it's normal....it's the right thing to do!

Sometimes, two little words like "Thank You" or "I'm Sorry" goes such a long way to making EVERYTHING better. Am i off? or is he? Is he just emotionally detached that even the smallest gestures of thanks are lost on him? And while it is not in his nature to say the words, do i deserve to at least hear them cause they make me feel like I matter? I don't want you to be fake or disingenuous....but does it really diminish who you are to make me feel human? It's not just him...my students do it all that time....i give and give and they take and take and they forget to say "Hey thanks..for staying late, helping/running our event, making sure i/we don't drop the ball"....do i sound bitter? Ungrateful?

I don't need much...a simple word of thanks now and again....at least on the semi big stuff: you borrowed my car, i made your fave dish, i paid for dinner, i shot and posted 600 photos of your last event...(yea students thats aimed at you) is not a lot to ask and is not a case for counseling....i'm not a mind reader and even though you are thankful on the inside...take one step and let me know you are on the outside. Sometimes we forget, but make an effort to do the stuff that matters...

Have a AMAZING Thanksgiving Day! I hope your day is full of thanks, food, and leaves you feeling special....i think i'm back ya'll...so much to say....i should say it soon

Get at me....

29 is not 30....

I have been alive for 10, 593 days as of today. Wow! Where does the time go? Well happy Birthday to me :) 29 seems really surreal. Besides being my birthday, the day was pretty normal. I did begin the day thanking God for another year, walked the dog, went to work....same old, same old. As the day went on I began to reflect on some stuff, ponder on things, and realize some truths. So here are the things I thought about today....

1. How did we celebrate birthdays before FACEBOOK??? I have received over 150 posts of "Happy Birthday" blessings! People I have not spoken to in months...even years, took time out of their day to wish me well. Let's be honest, minus the Facebook reminder for birthdays, this many people would not have reached out to me. But, the wishes made be feel great-ful, loved, and nostalgic....i took time to return each and every post with a "thank you." Happy are those who have friends, students, colleagues, family, sorors.......people......in the 915,235,200 seconds I have been alive people have made all the difference

2. Regardless of how many people you know or interact with.....at the end of the day because of your life and the lives of others, you are pretty much alone in the end. Today I worked, shared a cheese quesadilla with Pascal alone and soon i will turn into bed alone. People have lives and some forget about your special day. I'm not mad...it's a day and shouldn't really be uber special to anyone but me (ok, maybe to my mom). So i don't expect people to buy gifts, throw parties or even remember. but....there is a feeling of alone...pure alone....and the older I get the more comfortable I get with it.....in 29 years i have spent many events solo. Surgeries, moving, birthdays, etc.....it is what it is....ya get used to it and you enjoy the times when you are in the company of others....live in the moment...enjoy the surroundings

3. Where will I be next year? Dude!! I turn 30 next year!! WTF?? How did we get here??? Should i do something big??? Where has all the time gone?....LOL! No one is harder on me than me and once again I have taken stock in what I have done personally and professionally. Professionally we've done well :) I should write some articles and really look into my Ph.D....but those two things aside....GOOD JOB ME!!!! Personally......well....i own my own house....and car.....sigh....we will continue to work on it...I want what almost every woman I know wants....career, kids, marriage....vacations to beautiful places, vegetarian meatloaf (ok....maybe i'm the only one that wants vegetarian meatloaf), anniversary gifts, first recitals, saving for college, 10 fingers and 10 toes.... Slow and steady right? If only the personal life was as easy as the professional life.

4. Pascal is the GREATEST dog in the WORLD!...that is all....

5. 15,253,920 minutes is a long time.....and i want to keep living...but as i live, become better. Better friend, daughter, sister, soror, professional. One can not let minutes go by and not try to improve on every second. I want people to think....i am better for knowing her.....let the next 29 years allow me to impact, inspire, and instill..... in myself and others.....

29 is not 30....yet....it was a little anti-climactic.....but i did allow for pause. It's been a good 254,232 hours.....Let's celebrate this year....stay tuned for 30....

Get at me...

Let's build a bridge....

Yes it has been a long time since I last posted....but ya'll know me! I gotta be inspired and have the urge to put fingers to laptop and craft an insightful and honest post.....so here goes....ya'll have been patient and you deserve this...
I have been in a funk....my closest friends, some of my students, anyone who really knows me knows that i have not been myself for some time now...Why? Well ya'll know....2009 SUCKED!!! IT FUCKING SUCKED SOOOO BAD!! For many reasons....we need not go into them....ya'll know what it was....here is what I know to be true....have enough craziness and drama happen to you and you will lose your mind....your mind will take over the ship and you are purely the vessel that carries around whatever you mind puts in.....my brain? yea it retreated to a dark, moody, and very grey place....where it wanted to be alone and think...process the events of past and figure out how to get back moving towards the future.

So with the help of some legal and doctor prescibed meds, some soul searching, and some self reflection....I'M BACK!!!! Oh yes...I have built a bridge and i'm getting over it....are you hyped for me or what!!! HOLLA!! So what happened? Here are the top 5 realities of late....

1. You either laugh or you cry....i'm tired of crying

I cried alot last year and you come to a point where it just gets funny....i look back at all the drama and it cracks me up! Yo my AD embezzled!!! LOL!!! My ex was a HUGE liar and i fell for it! LMAO! I thought I was losing my mind....hahahahahahah! Laughter cures all that ills you and it has proven to be the best medicine.....when you find the humor in the bad...the sliver lining in the cloud of doubt, there really is no turning back....besides, ya'll know I want to be a stand up comedienne one day...this is gonna make for GOOD material!!!

2. I forgave myself
When stuff happens, it's not always your fault and even if you blame yourself....eventually you will have to forgive yourself too....I am FLY dammit!!! and I did nothing wrong....You can not control what other people do and you can only control yourself.....so when i look back....i always had my integrity intact....i always chose right over wrong and if it was in my power I put others first....everytime...I forgave myself for blaming myself in the the first place. I am reminded of the serenity prayer (currently considering getting it tattooed to my body):

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things that I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Yes my friends...forgiveness brings serenity and in that serenity you begin to forgive others....Here is a message to those who have transgressed against me: I have not forgiven you completely....but I don't have the urge to do physical harm to you anymore....so we are making progress....take that for what it's worth :)

3. I have re-built
You gotta take control of the things that are within your control....I would like to think that i repositioned and re-set a course for my office at work....We had a good year despite the turmoil the was put in our way....i think I lead the Fraternity and Sorority community in a positive direction and it can only get better from here! I have hired new staff, invested in our councils, and re branded and marketed what it means to be Greek at UNC Charlotte.....yes I am patting myself on my back....Job well done Michelle! and kudos to the students who trusted in me enough to follow me! When life throws you lemons....make grape juice...then sit back and watch people try to figure out how you did it :).

I did some things at home that i didn't think I could do: I hung blinds in my windows by myself, I got my deck sealed, I trained Pascal to walk off his leash and not run away from me, I began power walking again, ate better, cooked more, steadily paid off the credit card, and fed my soul with my own concoction that is sure to nourish : small pinch of church, lots of dog, plenty of sleep, re-connected with friends, and yes my friends....there were some shopping sprees (this message is brought to you by the following vendors: COACH, SONY, IPOD, and OLD NAVY)

4. I'm going on VACATION!
For the first time in almost 5 years I am taking a real vacation! OH YEAH!!! It was like a sign from GOD....my passport expires in AUGUST....God wants me to use it and leave the country!!! So shout outs to my buddy Ted Lewis for being my partner in crime and travel buddy....24 days and counting to our very expensive all-inclusive vacation to the GR Solaris in Cancun! I will work on my tan....drink drinks with little umbrellas, feast on buffets, and listen to the waves crash on the sandy beaches of Mexico....you feel me??? My brown complexion is in dire need of the sun's rays that can only be found in the Tropic of Cancer....let the bronzing, relaxing, and the wearing of sunglasses and linen pants begin!

This is a picture from the last time i was in Cancun....it has been too long.....

5. Don't talk about it...be about it
I kept telling people that I missed the girl I used to be.....but instead of missing her I just committed to being her again....Now I am just a wiser, lighter (LOL), and more aware version of her....and damn she's a good time!!! When I am the person I want to be, the person I know I am...with no compromises....I am content....Love me or hate me...you will respect me....but more importantly I LOVE and RESPECT myself....imagine that!

Thanks for not abandoning me blog followers....i will try not to leave you for this long again...but I have made that promise before so.....yea....just hope that i stay inspired :)


Get at me...

From Blues....to Thanks

So those of you who know me, know that I hate the period between Thanksgiving and New Year's....I get the holiday blues...really bad...in fact it just gets worse every year I get older. We "celebrated" Thanksgiving, Xmas, and New Year's in my immediate family for the most part. There were family dinners, sometimes even parties and my mom would cook her ASS off!!! (Shout outs to my mom and her cooking! She doesn't cook all the time like she used to but even as a vegetarian I will eat ANYTHING that women puts in front of me!) However, for many years the holidays just masked the real problems in my childhood....my parents arguing, my "troubles" and the fact that we were just not a solid family....we just faked it really well.

After my sister and I went to college, and my parents split, my visits home just became less and less and the holiday festivities were just not celebrated anymore. Our house became quite....cold....un-festive....so going home or being with family was just not a big deal like it is for other people. So it has carried on as I have become an adult. My sister and her husband don't buy into the pillaging of the Native peoples and the commercialism of Xmas so they don't celebrate, my mom is single and prefers to pass he tholiday seasons with her sisters or more importantly her first grandchild and I too don't buy into Thanksgiving and again celebrating the giving of small poxs to the Native Americans.....as for Christmas I think I am more traditional than most people think and O Holy Night still invokes my spirit, but there is no one to buy gifts for and sitting solo in Midnight Mass feels a bit depressing.....in reality I have slept through Thanksgiving and Xmas and New Year's more times than I could count and nothing says yummy like Chinese food on Christmas Day (shout outs to Chinese food places that hook it up and are the only people open during "major" holidays!). Let's face it, Christmas is for family and as much as I love mine.....today mine is not the traditional family that gets together, puts up a tree, and eats a BIG meal together.....I guess the traditional girl in me misses that. I hear my friends say stuff like, "If I didn't go home for Thanksgiving/Christmas, my mom would KILL me!" Ummmm, yea...my mom is not going to kill me...in fact she's not even expecting me....LOL.....

Last year I thought it was going to be different....I was in a relationship and I thought that we would do presents and a tree and even light my house...we would go over to my friends' house for Thanksgiving and all would be well....well we fought throughout the entire holiday season...I went to my sorors' house alone for Thanksgiving and made some excuse about where he was...there were no gifts at Christmas and by that time we were sleeping in separate rooms....and New Year's? We spent it in our separate corners of the house and I watched the ball drop by myself and clanked my own glass with a bottle of wine.....It was not the holiday season I envisioned and there was NOTHING merry about it...not to mention I had major surgery and spent most of December in pain, trying to recover....

So a year later here I am....still bluesy....still loathing the tinsel, egg nog, and commercials for turkey and stuffing....looking forward to some sales, but unmotivated to actually getting up early and joining the fray to shop at 5AM (However the COACH outlet is having a sale at midnight this Friday....i might have to hit that up...GIFTS FOR ME!!!).....i don't think my mood is going to change, but i had a thought today as my students starting leaving for their trips home for turkey...even though my life is not like everyone else and even though I am not happy.....i am thankful... so here is my list of thanks.....

I am thankful for....

My Friends/Sorors
They have never let me down since college when it come to Thanksgiving. I have spent this coveted dinner meal with some of my closest buds and them knowing my situation have never let me eat alone if they could help it. I appreciate that more than they know and as i tear up right now I am so lucky for friends and sorority sisters that care and consider me family....So thanks Alonda and your fam for dinners in DE, thanks Lisa for community service and fancy dinners in DC, and thanks Antie for letting me grub at your table....Holidays or not, my friends/sorors have been a constant in my life

My Job/Career
In a time of economic uncertainty, it is good to know that I am gainfully employed, I can pay my bills, and I can live somewhat comfortably. I am thankful for my education that has afforded me a career that I am actually good at...It's not always stress free and there is tons of drama...but I LOVE it....it is a joy and pleasure to touch and affect young students everyday and feel that in some small way, I make a difference. So thank you UNC Charlotte and CAMPUSPEAK for giving me security and the opportunity to do what I know I was put on earth to do

Pascal
Oh Pascal....what would i do without this little dog....through all the craziness in my life in the last year, this little dog has licked my face when I cried, curled up on my lap when i needed a buddy, kept my bed warm with his furry body, forced me to exercise by walking him and gotten into enough mischief to keep my life interesting. I love this dog like no other....i feel lonely most of the time but Pascal takes the edge off by being that other breathing being in my house...i talk and he listens....never judges, never interrupts...He is ALWAYS happy to see me, even when I leave hime home for 6 hours at a time....if not for this dog, there are some days in the last 6 months that I would not have gotten out of bed....Thank God for Pascal

My Family
We are not perfect like a puzzle piece or a perfect portrait like the Waltons, but i love my sister and my mom....they are the only immediate family I have...My sister and her husband gave us Kisaye my niece and I have not seen her since she was born....I miss her and I wish i had the means to fly down and see her every weekend....and even though she is driving my sister crazy by sleeping in 2-3 hour spurts.....I think my sister is an AWESOME mom and Kisaye is lucky to have my sister as her mommy....Like there was any doubt cause our mom is AWESOME....our relationship has not always been ideal but as an adult she and I are close friends and I can not imagine my life without her.....she works hard, she if selfless, and she respects my thoughts and decisions......most importantly she respects the woman I am today (her amazing genes are also a blessing...have you seen my mom on FB? She's a goddess!!!)....I am thankful for my family....the version they are today.

Guilty Pleasures
I will not harp on these things since they are mostly superficial....but I am thankful for them so they get a brief shout out:

My Blackberry (sorry I dropped you in the toilet and thank you for having insurance on you and sending me a replacement in the mail in 3 days!)
My VERY BIG TV....51 inches of joy and every TV event is like going to the movies :)
Moscato Wine....yummy....thanks for keeping me company and cutting me off when I have had too much :)
FB....yea I said it...Facebook.....you keep me entertained, connected, and is a mindless distraction of all my woes....
COACH....how I love thee...let me count the ways....
My Laptop....i am thankful that you still work and that you are my constant link to any type of connection to that outside world.

So from Blues to Thanks....still hate this time of year, but I am trying to keep a positive attitude and remember that i have much to be thankful for......Maybe I can work on having a better year in 2010....get out of my holiday rut and hit the new year with vim and vigor....till them....Bah Humbug and Blessings to you....

Get at me...

Mental Health Holiday

So this week I was forced by my boss to take a vacation....a week long vacation. I know some of you are thinking, "Damn I wish my boss would tell me I need a vacation and actually make me take one!" Yea lucky me....but I had been working non-stop since before the summer started and i think everyone could tell that i was feeling run down and probably 2 seconds away from kirking out on a student or somebody else. The summer was a rough one...the woman I supervised got arrested for embezzlement...yea i don't wanna get into it..yes sthe initial story is linked above...just know it was stressful, she took ALOT of money from students, and it's still pending. I never really dealt with my break-up from James and his infrequent text messages and driving me insane....you know the sob story, "I miss you, I love you, let me spend the rest of my life making it up to you...blah, blah, blah." Like I said, driving me crazy, I don't respond. I have done what I have always done during life crisises...I have BURIED myself in work.....and now I have been banished to deal with it or re-center my chi..or what ever comes first.....So a week of laying on my couch it is.

Now most of you know that I am too type A to actually relax and take a break from work. I am a self proclaimed work-a-holic and if I am not on some sandy beach in Aruba with a frosty drink in my hand, I really can't turn off the work light and just chill. Some people have that gift. I do not. My boss told me to go book a plane ticket and go see my niece (who I have not seen since the 3rd day of her life in June). But swine flu has me paranoid and my own hypochondriacism talked me out of going to see her for fear of getting her sick....I'm sure i will regret that decision some day. So what did I do all week you ask? Not much.....

1. Mad Men

What is the hype all about I asked myself. They won some Emmy's and they were on Oprah this week so I said, "Self, let's go rent the entire first two seasons from Blockbuster and watch it all in 3 days." I did just that! It's a good show, lots of drama and dialogue....not action per se. But I like a good dark, intense drama and I would say I am a fan. Not running out to get AMC from my cable provider, but I will download the episodes online and watch season 3. I am fascinated by the fact that it takes place in Manhattan/NY in the 60's. Thy dynamics of the show are very interesting: smoking all day, drinking all day, infidelity, self value, family life and product placement. It has kept me interested and has helped me pass the time.

2. I cleaned...

Well ok, so the house cleaning service came and cleaned the house from top to bottom. But I did laundry and dishes and stuff...that has to count. Before you go and judge me I don't get my house cleaned every week...more like every 6-8 weeks for a good cleaning. I think it's worth it and it make me feel like I live in a brand new house all over again. It also forces me to pick stuff up from the floors and hang up my clothes before the cleanser come....hey...whatever motivates right!

3. Pascal

What blog is complete without a shout out to Pascal??? He is awesome and cute and I cut his bangs this week. I think I have disrupted his daily sleeping schedule....all he does is SLEEP all day, between walks and eating...he sleeps. We walk alot...at least 4-5 20minute walks every day. I like to watch him as he has puppy dreams...i'm sure he's dreaming of tearing apart a box of Kleenex or chasing geese....either way it is peaceful and I love him so much and can not imagine my life without him.

4. I did errands

Dropped and picked up dry cleaning, got gas in the car, filled prescriptions, shopped for items to fill the fridge and pantry, stopped at work to sign off on stuff (trust me it was for legit reasons). Nothing was pressing and errands were are good excuse to actually get out of my pj's, wash my ass, and get out of the house for a little bit.

5. I detoxed

No I am not an alcoholic or drug user....but I spent a good part of the summer eating and drinking my emotions. So this week I ate better and healthier meals like I used to, drank ALOT of water (and my skin thanks me for it!) and tried to get more exercise and sleep. You don't realize how much your body misses good home-cooked meals, water and exercise until you don't do those things on a regular basis. It felt good and hopefully this is the first step to being the relatively healthy and fit person I used to be! We will see.....

All in all I am glad I took the week off. My boss was right....I was tired and I did need a break. Now even though I still checked and answered some work email and answered my phone from my admin and grad assistants....I feel good about the time I took off and I am committed to stop having my summer long pity party and getting back to being me. Work will always be their and students will always have issues....but I can control what i drag myself into and when it is time to go home and relax. So here's to my Mental Health Holiday...may I find that is gives me back my life and shows me that I am the #1 player in this thing called life....I should try living it...:)

Get at me...

Can someone turn on the lights?....

So blogger friends.....I'm single again.....and IT SUCKS!!!

First off I am getting over heartache and I feel like I am walking around in the dark...kinda lost and feeling gloomy. I am trying to bury myself in work and the dog and life planning....but it's hard and I find myself distracted and unfocused.....the more I try to establish a new routine....the more the pain of my broken heart dominates me head, body, and dare I say it....my soul. I think the pain has manifested in headaches and joint pain...craziness...there is no going back with James and I.....but moving forward....in the dark is not easy.

I think the dog hates me. I think he looks at me and says, "You bitch! You made the tall white one go away and now I have to sit in my crate all day and you are not as fun to play with!" Pascal has mastered that sad puppy dog look and I feel so guilty about him.....I thought I would get him in doggy daycare once a week....but when I called today they inquired if I had him neutered yet and my answer is no (we just kept putting it off for no reason) and they told me that he couldn't come to daycare until I cut off his testicles......sigh.....so I called the Humane Society of Charlotte (which is a really wonderful place and you should donate to them right now!!) and go figure they have a waiting list over a month for the $50 (which is significantly less that my vet!) ball snipping deal!!! Arrrrrgh!!! So my guilt with Pascal continues.....like a mother leaving her child in daycare.....and I try to ease my guilt by taking him on long walks and letting him eat potato salad and shrimp lo mien with me.....yea I know....I'm a bad mommy!!! But you try saying no to his sweet little face!!!

I'm paranoid.....now that I am single again I feel like I can't do anything....stuff James used to take care of like bug killing and air filter replacement and dog washing seem like hard and daunting tasks....I changed the air filters but now everytime the AC goes on it makes an initial sound....weird.....like it's being sucked into place.....implying that i put it in wrong :( I killed 2 spiders in my house last week and caught Pascal playing with one and I FREAKED out....call exterminations and eradicated all things that creep, crawl, make webs, have 6 or 8 legs all within the exterior and interior of my home....$149.00 (Superior Pest Control...get at them...they are AWESOME!) well spent if you ask me! I washed Pascal cause I thought he had fleas....again, paranoid....he didn't, but he made me feel like the bath was the most unpleasant thing in his life to date....i had to lure him with snausages to let me dry and brush him out.....sigh....Paranioa SUCKS!

To add insult to injury it's been HELLA HOT in Charlotte, some of my chapters at work are making my job hard, I hear things that go bump in the night, there is no more "we" just me, the house needs some minor maintenance, i need to buy a propane tank for my new grill, i feel like repainting, did i mention it was HELLA HOT?, and i can't seem to find my appetite....you know it's sad when a thick girl can't eat.......so what to do?

Church? Went...had a good cry and shout outs to the musical director for playing all the hits I needed to hear (Eagle's Wings, Here I am Lord, and an especially rousing rendition of Glory to God!) God and I spoke....he told some good stuff and things I need to think about and get back to him on....

Pascal? Working on my relationship with him.....extra long tummy rub sessions, sunbathing, and talking to him....even though he does not talk back.....in the end he's a dog and the only bitches he knows are the girl dogs at the dog park!

Finding other stuff? Yea...i gotta get back out there...not to find a man cause I am not ready for that right yet....but i gotta get out...explore Charlotte, hit up a happy hour...have friends over...celebrate the fact that I turn 28 in two weeks! (FYI...i would like gift cards to Walmart as suitable bday gifts...a new 24hr SuperWalmart just opened nearby and I am obsessed with stimulating the economy!), read, play Tetris, listen to music, try new recipes, inhale...exhale. Get back to my center....get back to being me.....just me.....i need to find the switch...turn on the lights....

Ya'll got any suggestions? I'm all ears....help me, help myself....I trust ya'll....what do you have for me.....I believe in life after love (shout outs to Cher for getting me through the other morning!...click here for classic video!)...i just need a push towards the right direction....but in the dark the right direction is so hard to find.....

Get at me....

8 months.....I should have never stopped blogging :(

Greetings Blogging Friends!!!

It has been too long since we last spoke and once again I am sorry :( Now I have to tell you about the crazy, ridiculous, and at times painful ride my life has taken.....You ready? Here goes...

November/December

Last time we spoke I was on line voting for Obama for President...YAY he won!! How cool?!! I remember watching the screen on election night with my mouth wide open in shock....I kept sayin, "In my life...in my life." It was really surreal and I was honored to have bared witness to it....one day I will be able to tell my kids where I was when the 1st black president was elected....so cool.

Then I had surgery....Yes, surgery. Remember I told you I had gotten diagnosed with Uterine Fibroids....yea so...early in Dec I went under that knife and literally gave birth to a 4lbs fibriod....GROSS....how gross you want to know? Well here is a pic....I warn you...it's nasty:

It's like having a c-section with no baby! Totally unfulfilling :( But speaking of babies.....my sister told me she was preggers!!! YAY!!! and due in June so that was a pick me up!!!

Most of December was spent recovering and taking it easy....and arguing....yes arguing....with James...you remember him right? The boyfriend...yea our relationship was full of fights....over dumb stuff....stuff i feel like we shouldn't be fighting over....combine that with his lack of communication skills....it was not fun :( Needless to say xmas was spent in separate rooms and so was New Years.....arrrrgh....the writings were on the walls then.....

January

Finally went back to work from med leave and holiday break. I went crazy being on med leave with nothing to do! I am too type A to ever be on any type of "break." I also made a decision to start going back to church.....Now for those of you who know me I am a recovering Roman Catholic....I know you are all thinking, "Wow, but you're black?" Well there are some of us out there! If your parents native country was colonized by Catholic missionaries at one time, you too would be Catholic!!! Anyway....it wasn't like i was making this big commitment to church, but I figured it had been too long since me and God spoke in his house and I was unhappy so I figured what the heck, what could I lose? I will say this about church...I disagree with several things in the Catholic church: Womens' right to choose, what they do with priest who violate children, Pope Benedict's recent stance on AIDS......but I do respect the ritual of sacraments and some of the traditions of my faith and for those reasons I loosely affiliate myself with them....We all need some sort of faith and I guess this is my version :)

February/March/April

All a blur....more fights with James, hiatus from the gym and work...oh there was work....you know how it is in higher ed! Educational trip to MGCA with students, Greek Leadership Conference, DOS duties, Greek Week, hiring a new admin.....work was hecka busy, plus budget cuts....this economy is taking a toll on my ability to fund my area and that makes things really hard. How can you give students a WONDERFUL experience with little funding? I'm an administrator, not a magician! But we trudged on and made it work....what else can we really do?

My soror Antie had her baby Matthew, my other soror is blissfully preggers with her first baby and my sister was still awaiting the birth of my first niece. It's baby season and EVERYONE is having one!!! I'm happy for all of them and greatful for my blatant violation of Catholic doctrine with my IMPLANON firmly in my arm preventing any babies of my own! LOL!

By the end of April I was dragging myself to the finish line of the academic year and preparing for a road trip to FL with Pascal and James to attend my sisters' baby shower!! WOOO HOOO! 13 hours in the car with man and dog!

May

The baby shower was cool and the road trip was not as bad as i thought it would be....I am a frequent flyer so the thought of that much time in the car was NOT appealing....but i didn't have to drive any leg of it so not too bad.....and Pascal tolerated the trip well! It was weird/good to see my sister...I hadn't seen her in over a year and all of a sudden she was 8mos pregnant! Probably should make more of an effort to see family on a more regular basis...She and Kamal looked super happy and it was good to see my mom and rest of the family. They all met James...which proved to be pointless cause our relationship began its final decent when we got back to Charlotte....to be honest it was probably over 4 months prior, but when you are in LOVE you seem to ignore or choose to ignore some fatal relationship flaws: Lying, anger management issues, poor communication, lack of motivation, secrets......yea...I won't go into all the gory details....Let's just say i should have trusted my instincts and joined the "bail out" when the banks got theirs!!

June

So this brings us to June......broke up with James on the 4th...which would have been one month from our 1year anniversary...how poetic....My sister gave birth on the 6th...with is one month from my 28th birthday...which means that my BEAUTIFUL niece Kisaye Michelle James was born exactly 27years and 11months after I was born....She was a welcomed distraction from the heartache I was going through and I hopped on plane and flew to FL on the 7th to see her.....

I am thrilled to be an Aunt or as we say in creole "Tatie" So just call me Tatie Michou! Woo Hoo!! and I am honored to have my name as my niece's middle name!

So as the hot summer of Charlotte starts to unravel....I find myself back on the blog....a year since i started and much has changed....My relationship with James taught me alot about myself and now that I know better I must do better....if not for myself then to show my sweet niece how to be a respectable women who puts herself first.....always....

Pascal, my loyal pet is still by my side and is a constant source of laughs and happiness....he doesn't talk back but he listens really well...and he licks my tears when i cry and get sad :(

So now what? I don't know...what will the summer of '09 bring? We shall see.....you stay tuned....i promise I will be back.....

Get at me.....

Reflecting on some things....

So here I am.... I know you all missed me....it's been a minute and I apologize once again. Getting Pascal (see last post), moving into my brand new house and living with my boyfriend......there has been a lot of transition, change, chaos, and time consuming ridiculousness.....you would think that with all this going on there would be plenty of time for introspective reflection and blogging.....alas the answer is no.... So let me drop these nuggets of my life on you now:

1. Buying a house is hard and fun all at the same time!

The whole mortgage, financing, loan application, pushing back of closing date.....not fun. In fact it is stressful and I am happy that part is way over! Now, picking out paint, moulding, new appliances, and watching your boyfriend build you a custom window seat with shelves.....yea! Fun times....I could not have done it without him and I am so greatful for his support and creativity. Today, the house is amazing and I am happy to share it with my dog and man. I look around and I think, "Dam!! I own this!! All of it!!!" I never thought that before I turned 30 I would be the owner of a house! I think it is more house than I need, but there is plenty of space for family and friends to come visit....it's all worth it! I think Pascal likes it too! :)

2. So did I mention that I live with my boyfriend?

Ummmm yea....after 4 months of serious dating we decided that it would be economically realistic to co-habitate....now I know some of you are thinking, "Michelle has lost her mind!" I swear to you I have not lost my marbles. In fact I have never been more clear in my life. When God gives you exactly what you have asked him for you thank him and embrace the gift with both arms. James is my gift.....and I am thankful. Now things aren't perfect....I don't know if any relationship is.....we come from 2 different walks of life and experiences, we have different views, and we see and trust the world very differently. But at the end of the day he loves me....flaws and all....and with him I feel safe, protected, and loved......I just got mushy on ya'll :). I'll stop now....you get the point!

3. Work has been ridiculous!

Clearly, some of my students have lost their minds and me and the Office of Student Conduct have become good friends....Hazing cases, alcohol violations, being bombarded with expansion request.....let's just say I have been busy! As I try to find my stride as a mid level professional and be the best administrator I can be, I am trying not to stumble and make too many mistakes. Having people report to you and reporting to someone else is a difficult balance. At the same time I am committed to work/life balance and leaving work at appropriate times, getting through my to do list, and not taking tons of work home. The hardest part is juggling all the personalities and politics....ahhhh personalities and politics....that's a blog waiting to happen! Being a professional is an all the time, work in progress for me...just when I think I have it....work throws me a curve ball.....don't worry I always end up hitting it out of the park!

4. Medical Issues kinda suck

So my "woman doctor" has diagnosed me with uterine fibroids...YAY!!! BIG FUN!!!! Supposedly I have two of them...the size of an orange and grapefruit. I had to go for a sonogram to see what we were dealing with....it was pretty surreal being in a room that is usually filled with joy and surprise: It's A Boy! It's A Girl!! You're having TWINS!!!....but my news was a little different...."you've got two...they gotta come out....your uterus is the same size as a 3 month pregnant woman.....you will be in the hospital overnight" Needless to say I am not looking forward to my surgery on December 11 and the 4-6 week recovery period.....I don't make a very good invalid and the doctor said getting around after my surgery will be difficult....SO FUN! :( We will see how it goes...I'm optimistic and thank GOD for that good state health insurance!

So that is what has consumed my world. So why am I blogging now? What has inspired me to pick up my blackberry at 8:30am on a Saturday and put thought to screen? Glad you asked!

I'm doing my part in history. I am waiting for the polls to open on the last day of early voting to cast my vote for CHANGE! Life has been so crazy that I haven't jumped on the early voting train earlier! I'm afraid of what polls may look like on Nov 4 so today I wait in line to cast my very important and significant ballot. There are at least 200 people out here.....some brought their kids, some just coffee.....all engaging in conversation about this and that, sports scores and of course this election......I see young people and older people out here.....most are of the brown hue which is nice to see.....

I'll be honest.....I want Barack to win (FYI...the picture above was taken by me when I met Senator Obama last year at George Mason University).....but I will be super elated to see the red state of NC turn a beautiful shade of BLUE!!! Won't that be nice! I am hopeful for CHANGE and I pray that God watches over this election and over the Obama family....this election has brought out the worst in people on both sides.....and I am reminded that people are still racist and crazy......I pray for understanding, truth, and peace.....pray with me ok.....

Anyway....how are you my adoring fans? Ya'll still with me? I promise to be more consistent with my blogging....I swear!!!! Sometimes I just need a push!!! Feel free to give me some....

Get at me....

I'm a New Mommy

So here is the latest reason that I have not been blogging......

Meet Pascal. My 3 month old Westie Poo.....oh you've never heard of a Westie Poo? Well it's a legit designer breed: His father is a Poodle and his mom a West Highland Terrier...hence Westie Poo....an yes he is as adorable as he looks. What's with the name? It's French and snotty....I thought it would be cute for a male dog...so far so good....he's learning his name...sometimes we call him Prince....Prince Pascal...my little man.....

So when I left George Mason University, I vowed to get some work/life balance in my life. One of the things that I thought would assist that was getting a pet. I love animals.....especially domestic animals....they need us so bad! They depend on us to walk them and feed them and oh yes...LOVE the CRAP out of them. So i needed a pet to commit some energy and time to...and a reason to leave work before 10pm. One problem though.....I am allergic to dogs :( Woe is me. Yea I know....you are thinking, "What the hell? You are allergic to dogs and you got one?" Let me tell you something life is too short to not enjoy the things you LOVE.....and thank GOD for Zyrtec....LOL.....but I also went on a quest to find a dog that didn't shed, was low in dander and good for people with allergies.....what came up on google? The Westie Poo....but they are not everywhere. I had to look for a reputable breeder...avoid puppy mills....and finance...yes finance getting this specific breed.

Integrity Pets was the solution. Check out the website....they are good people that answered all my questions and concerns about getting a dog from them. I have been communicating with them for 3 months...actually since Pascal was born and on August 23 I drove to the Raleigh/Durham Airport (which is 2 hours away) and I picked up my little man. Oh soooo worth it. My allergies are still affected but it is a SMALL price to pay for having him in my life. I mean...just look at him!:

SoI have had him for about a week and I totally forgot how hard it was to potty train a puppy ( we had a dog when I was in High School...shout outs to Topaze who is still keeping my mom company in NY!) But man, Pascals' bladder holds like 5 tablespoons...ridiculous and every two seconds I am running outside to pee and poop.....Jesus...then we come back in an he has an accident....I look at him like, "HELLO!!! we were just outside!!! what is this tiny spot of urine???" And then I remember....he's 3 months....if he was a human he would be wearing diapers! LOL......besides potty training and the occasional moment of insanity when he begins to chew on mommy's computer cord to sandals, he is a sweetheart. As I type right now he is curled up next to me...doing the puppy snore. He loves to cuddle and play....and pee outside...it's that life! He has toys, mommy keeps him clean....he has a clean bill of health from the vet and everywhere I take him EVERYONE says he is the cutest thing that they have EVER seen. He loves that!

Having a dog is not a game! It is a whole new line item in your personal budget...food, toys, crate, vet, medication (oh yea Pascal already has an ear infection...poor thing...:( but it really add to you life. I can't lay in bed all day...he needs me.....I can not work late...he needs me....and I think i really need him....sometimes just having another breathing and living body in the room makes all the difference.....oh yea....daddy LOVES him too....James plays with Pascal non-stop and while he's not trying to pit the dog against me, he can be found on the floor playing fetch and tug-o-war with his little man. Men love dogs and I have found that taller and bigger the man....the move love they have for the smaller and cuter dogs :)

Adventures in Pascal land continues....I will keep you posted....feel free to visit his Dogbook page off of my Facebook page.....yea...I'm that kind of owner.....and if you are in Charlotte, stop by and visit us.....Pascal has some kisses for you!

Get at me....

Been caught up...IN THE OLYMPICS!!!!

Greetings all....You probably have been asking yourself the question, "Where is Michelle and her infamous blogs?" Well friends....I have been in the zone...the OLYMPIC ZONE! Every four years it just takes hold of me and I cannot let go....not to be confused with the Winter Olympics....no, no...only the Summer Olympics!! I LOVE THEM!!! I cannot get enough and ever since 8.8.08 I have been glued to the television....so inspired that this blog is dedicated to the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing......so here are the Top 10 reasons why I adore the 08 Summer Olympics!:


#10-It only happens once every four years

You can watch sports everyday (especially guys who love ESPN), but you don't. You may catch the occasional basketball game or tennis match on TV but for the most part sports are on the periphery of our lives....then the Olympics hit. Athletes from all around the world prepare their whole life for this event that happens just once every 1,460 days. So for two weeks we are transfixed on these bundle of games that seeks to crown a world champion in various sports.....Most of the athletes that go to the Olympics will not even come close or have a chance to medal....but to be there...the be invited to go up against the BEST in the entire world....WOW! How can you not watch and get swept into the spirit of "One World, Once Dream"



#9 Olympics Theme music makes me cry.

You know the song.....the song NBC plays everytime to introduce the Olympics....I heart that theme music! Music has a way of evoking your spirit and stirring emotional like no other entity ans this theme music is right on the top of the list. I hear it and my heart flutters a little bit and I get automatically excited. By the way this is a real song: Commissioned by the 1984 Olympic Committee John Williams was asked to write a masterpiece that would be formally associated with the Olympics. What he gave birth to was “Olympic Fanfare and Theme"...if you need your soul awakened by this wonderful melody click here: http://homepage.mac.com/jharrell/Olympic%20Fanfare%20and%20Theme.mp3

I don't know about you but when I hear this i get emotional and anxious about what is about to happen and the giddiness of the Olympics spirit is palpable!



#8 Opening Ceremony...in CHINA

Ok....no one does it like the Chinese.....really. With a budget of over $100 million and 15,000 performers and not one repeat...it was nothing short of fantastic! Simply stunning to watch, full of "how did they do that" moments and well worth the 4 hour production. No host country before or after will be able to compete...I feel bad for London 2012....how do you top that? how do you top the opening sequence of 2,008 drummers beating ancient golden drums in unison? I could go on and on.....but if you saw it...you know what I mean....it was great and got me in the mind set of GO CHINA!!!!


#7 M.Phelps

What can be said about this man that has not been said already? I watched every single event he swam and I yelled and cheered at the tv urging him on! Swim Mike!!! Swim!! His unwavering commitment to be the best in his sport, to bring his sport the notoriety it deserves, his quest to not only smash record but send them to a place where no one else could reach them....his never ending schedule, not resting with just ok....never giving up to the end.....I love me some Phelps!!! Half man, half dolphin....I love him! Can we take a second on speak in what was probably his best and most magical win?: Phelps' victory in the 100-meter butterfly was perhaps his most stunning of the Games. Trailing early, Phelps came back from seventh place to out-touch Serbia's Milorad Cavic by 0.01 seconds and tie Mark Spitz's record with seven gold medals in a single Olympics. Did you see it??? It was AWESOME!!! and sooooo close.....with the naked eye you could not really tell who won! Even his mother thought he got second....take a look at how close:


If I was Cavic I would kick myself really hard for letting this slip through my fingers literally...he got lazy and coasted to the wall....while Mr. Phelps took and extra stroke...my volleyball coach in high school always said, "Finish Strong!".....never truer words were spoken! Kudos to Mike and everything he has accomplished. He has inspired me to do so much better.....set goals...achieve them.....finish strong!





#6 Gymnastics

What a cool sport!!! These young ladies are amazing ...yea so what if the Chinese team is like 12 years old.....they are some talented middle schoolers!! LOL....but seriously to be a gymnast you have to commit your entire body to the sport...they make it look soooo easy...you know it is one of the biggest highlights of the game.



#5 The Olympics makes me workout harder

I watch the games and then I go to the gym and push myself just a little but more....I think, "if these Olympians can push themselves....so can I even if it is just a little bit....run a little longer, perhaps faster...lift a little more....push the weight.....so an extra set on my triceps....the spirit of the Olympics lives with me in the gym!! Maybe...secretly I am in training for the games....in some distance time....my event? Hummmm.....



#4 Usain Bolt

Call him arrogant if you want , but my God! This man can run! Not only can he run.....he makes that other runners look like little boys....craziness!!! This Jamaican sensation is unreal...shattering the 100meter dash and he didn't even go full speed to the end!! What is that??? Is her SuperMan? Half cheetah.....whatever it is, it is talent and here is the joke...he's only 22....he has time to be bigger and better and to mature as an athlete....like fine wine.....what will Mr. Bolt bring to London....i will stay tuned to watch every second of it!



#3 You can watch anytime of the day!!

Gotta love time zones!!! You can't sleep? Not a problem! Turn on the TV and there has to be some Olympic event going on!! it could be equestrian or team handball or synchronized swimming.....it is always on which keeps you invested in what is going on. At work I would keep visiting the website to see if our medal count had changed....i knew that somewhere a match was being played and I wanted to know the results....28 sports, over 10,500 athletes participating, and 20,000 media outlets broadcasting it around the world! Like 7-11....they are always on and the action is always hot!



#2 The whole world watches

It's like American Idol or Desperate Housewives that only American watch....no...The ENTIRE WORLD watches the Olympics....because almost everyone is represented. All across the world in bars, gyms, homes, and clubs families and friends gather around tv's a root on whomever in what ever sport. What other event brings the world together? War maybe? I will take the Men's 10m platform diving any day!

#1 I think down deep I want to be an Olympian!

Don't we all? Let's start training today....We may not make it to the big stage, but we can try to go for the GOLD in out own lives....in our relationships, career, wants, and dream. We can embody the un-relenting drive and spirit to be the best. Let the inspiration of the Olympics propel you to your own victories....see you on the medal stand!

Get at me....

It's been a long time...I shouldn't have left you....without a dope blog to step to...:)

Greetings and Salutations ALL!!! I must apologize for not dropping a blog or two or three on you....So much has happened and I will try to give you a taste of what has gone down and where I am now.....consider this a series of mini blogs within one big blog :) Enjoy!


Bloomington is wonderful this time of year!!!
So when we last left off I was in an airport heading to Bloomington, IN for UIFI which is the Undergraduate Interfraternity Institute. This is an intensive 5 day program for undergrads in fraternities and sororities from around the country hosted by the NIC. Students come expecting just another conference but they actually get a whole bunch more and I gather to think 90% of UIFI graduates change, focus, and are are inspired and motivated to change their worlds. I should know.....I'm a former graduate circa 2001.....and look at me NOW!!!

So when I was asked to serve as a small group facilitator (which in the Greek Life advising world is kinda a big deal) I was pretty excited! The students get a lot out of it, but the professionals that attend to do the facilitation get so much more. I was reminded of why I do my job...why I love Greek Life soooo much and what I continue to fight for. I'm not sure where Greek Life got sooo far off track (ie: the drinking, the hazing, the not living up to values and principles of the organizations, the bad imagery) but I am committed to getting it back on track and I met about 90 students at UIFI this summer who are committed to the same. One part of the curriculum that REALLY stuck me and actually made me tear up was the Ben Comen story (here is the link...trust me, take 7 minutes and watch it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_sHBgUgFP8 ) after watching this clip the students really reevaluated what courage really meant and for me...well let's just say I am finished running my race and I have started all over again to help others finish :)...watch the video...you'll get it!


UIFI was really great and I spent time with some amazing students and professionals....oh yeah....there was a lice infestation in the house we were staying in. Talk about FREAK OUT!!!! Girls crying, guys shrugging their shoulders, facilitators trying to maintain calm demeanors while having our own personal melt downs....for some time is was chaos and we brought out the Lice Shampoo in the city of Bloomington....i have to say that I did not use the lice shampoo...cause i couldn't...i have dread locs...and hence you can't comb they stuff in....i was freaking out and checking my scalp every ten seconds....fortunately I didn't catch it! (only 7 students ended up getting it) But let me tell you...you want a good example of group think here it is!!! There is a case study in this situation for ya!!! Shout outs to UIFI Session 8-Zeta Upsilon....we made it and we are better for it!

This way to AVENUE Q!!!
On Friday, July 26th I went and saw one of the most amazing, funny, thought provoking, and fantastic musicals with my sorority sisters. I saw Avenue Q....you may have heard about it..or not..here is a small synopsis from Wikipedia:

Avenue Q is a musical conceived by Robert Lopez and Jeff Marx, who wrote the music and lyrics, and directed by Jason Moore. The show was produced by and opened at the Off-Broadway Vineyard Theatre in March 2003. The production transferred to Broadway in July 2003 and won several Tony Awards, including the award for Best Musical. It is still running on Broadway and holds the position of 27th longest running musical in Broadway history. A U.S. national tour began in July 2007. The show is largely inspired by (and is in the style of) Sesame Street: Most of the characters in the show are puppets (operated by actors onstage), the set depicts several tenements on a rundown street in an "outer borough" of New York City, both the live characters and puppet characters sing, and short animated video clips are played as part of the story. Also, several characters are recognizably parodies of classic Sesame Street characters: for example, the roommates Rod and Nicky are versions of Sesame Street's Bert and Ernie, and Trekkie Monster is based on Cookie Monster. However, the characters are in their twenties and thirties and face adult problems instead of those faced by pre-schoolers, thus making the show more suited for the adults who grew up with Sesame Street. The characters use profanity, and the songs concern adult themes (except the opening number). A recurring theme is the central character's search for a "purpose."

Hands down this musical was great!! It made me think about my own life...the absurdity of some of my actions and what college used to be like...i started yearning for those four glorious years at UD....no bills, no worries, no rent...sigh....two of my favorite characters in the whole musical were the 'Bad Idea Bears'....A duo of adorable but sinister teddy bear-like characters who are out to get people by getting them to do irresponsible deeds. The boy is blue and the girl is yellow....think about a cross between the Care Bears and and Chucky.....HILARITY!!! Let's just say the Bad Idea Bears were around ALOT in college.....man they got me in trouble....I still can't drink Tequila :( ...but yea, Avenue Q put that all in perspective....it is written in a very smart way and it is unpredictable, which keeps you on the edge of your seat. Several times during the performance I caught myself saying, "I was not prepared for that!!!" My sorors Antie, Alyia and I enjoyed it immensely and Antie and I even caught dinner before the show at an AMAZING Mediterranean Restaurant...best fallafel I have ever had!!! It was all very girls night out and those times are to be cherished.....that musical reminded me that we grow up so fast and we should take time to enjoy each other in the present.

Fridges, and Ranges, and Washers.....OH MY!!!
So the hour of owning my first home is upon me. I close on my house on August 29th and I am scared shitless!!! There is just way too much to do: decide on final paint colors, move out of my apt, pray that someone rents it so i can stop paying rent and break my lease, finish paperwork with my mortgage lender, secure homeowners insurance, pack, figure out if i should forward mail....again, transfer cable/Internet, utilities, and on top of all of that.....WORK MY REAL JOB!!!....my head is spinning....to add insult to injury I am getting a dog...yeah, a dog...all paid for and 3 month old Westie Poo who I am naming Pascal is scheduled to be delivered to me a week before I close....PERFECT timing right!? I am looking forward to having him.....but dear lord how much could I possibly pile on my plate.....did I mention that August is the BUSIEST month for any campus administrator....this might be ugly :(

So last week me and James (ok...I'm dating someone...his name is James....yea I know I haven't blogged about it....SUPRISE!!!....it's new and I like him....that's all I'm sharing for now....deal with it..:) )....so where was I, oh yes...so last weekend James accompanied me to buy appliances for the new house.....needless to say I freaked out a little. Buying appliances is a daunting task....at first I thought I just want it to look pretty....I want people to walk into my home and say "ooooooo" and "ahhhhhh" when they see my stainless steel appliances that are all high end and crap.

Well that didn't fit into the budget and then one of my mentors informed me that just cause it's pretty doesn't mean it will work....so then I got on Consumer Reports to find the perfect appliances that are efficient, cost effective, and won't break down anytime soon....ummmm yea....Consumer Reports can make your head spin....especially if you are buying appliances for the first time and you have no idea what you should even be looking for! So by the time I got to Lowes I was a mess...i just knew that I could not walk out without some stuff....I mean I debated not getting a fridge at all and just getting a big cooler with ice and keeping my eggs and organic soy milk in it.....and no need for a washer cause I could just wear my clothes in the shower and wash them as I wash my body....GREAT IDEAS!!!....no....not so much....reality set in and here I was, speechless in front of Blaine (the salesman at Lowes) gripping James's hand for dear life. It was a complete blur but when I emerged I was the proud owner of 5 new appliances, and 3K poorer.....yikes!!! But it is an investment and I own them out right which is huge....James had a good point...he said if i ever come upon hard times I could sell on of my appliances to float me along....LOL....that made me chuckle....You know I prayed for alot a things this year...house, man, dog...and in a span of three months I got all three.....I guess I prayed a little too hard.....God has a funny sense of humor....I guess I should start praying for some sanity....LOL :)

Hope you enjoyed the overview of some of the most significant things that have happened in my life over the last couple of weeks.....sorry for the one massive blog....I promise to be better in the future....in fact I got my next blog brewing in the brain as we speak. I'm BACK friends!!! I'm BACK!!!

Get at me...

Change is not an event...it's a process

So you spend alot of time alone. Not alone as in no friends and solitude and talking to imaginary friends. More like this is my stuff and this is the way I do things and this is where this goes and I like it that way alone. So i have spent alot of time alot. Some of my own doing and some by circumstance. You get used to it...some times are better than others. Like when I wanted to change jobs or pick out my house....don't really have to rely on anyone else but me. I come and go and do as I please and the only person that has to be happy about it is me....cool right? Simple uncomplicated. I have my opinions and views and particulars and they all make sense to me...cause I've discussed them with myslelf...alone...lots of times. I think I have really good opinions...and they are right....because I think so and I agree :) and besides no one have been around to tell me otherwise....infact, I surround myself with people who think like me....and for the most part they agree with my opinions and views and orders....so it makes it right....right?

And then you came along and my orderly opinionated world was messed with....hard.....and i tried to resist..oh i did! You gotta do things my way....and do this and do that....WHY? Cause that's what's hot in the streets? Cause it fits my comfort level and decreases your? Why the power stuggle? the pissing contest? why the resistance to change...change to the unfamiliar...change to the new.....like i wanna change you but really i have to change me....not to a new me.....change as in you be you and I be me and we are cool with that....hummmm the process of change.

My students struggle with change. The changing of rules and policies....new students and new pereception to this Greek Life thing. The chapters that go along with the change with a healthy does of reality and trust will do well and last a long time. The ones that don't....well let's just say I say in two meetings today to discuss the iminate departure of two of my "problem" chapters. Keep up or get left behind....or worse yet...miss out...

I look at my parents' realtionship....mom was willing to change. Her way...the way she grew up, what she was taught and what she beieved to be true. She was willing to change all of that....to save her marriage and make life better for her children.....to vindicate herself. But what happens when one half tries to change and the other side resists? Can change in a marriage be one-sided? Doesn't the other person feel slighted?? Like hey I'm doing all this work here! Can you meet me half way? Dad wasn't gonna change...I don't think he knows the meaning of the word...there is his way and there is no way...you choose...when you don't adapt...when you don't change...you die...very slowly every day...until you are extinct....sad...

I am in the airport this morning...yea it's 5:30am as I write. I'm on my way to Bloomington,IN for an institute for undergraduate fraternity and sorority members...for the next 5 days I'm gonna push 90 young minds to change.....to re-evaluate the way they have been leading their organizations and lead with courage and intergrity...to chage towards the future of the fraternal movement...yeah I volunteered for this! But think of what this change can create! A shifting of thought for the better....Seven years ago this very summer I attended this very same institute and the change in me has been remarkable....the change in how I see my sorority, in career path, in myself...it didn't happen overnight but damn....change is a powerful thing!

And then there is you....changing my mindset and the way I see the world...totally outside my frame of reference and my sphere of influence....telling me about things I have never experienced...like driving above the clouds...that's a cool visual...I want to see that too...you have me changing for the better...looking for a peace in the still puddles of clear blue water that I call your eyes...praying and being open to that change and giving thanks,,,not for me but for you....

I had a minor freak out this week about buying my house...I found myself looking at my checkbook and the realization of a mortage payment hit me square in the face! Panicked thoughts flew around my brain...can I afford this? Am I crazy? Will I be able to buy appliances? And why did I get a dog? How much does puppy chow cost anyway??? When the dust cleared I realized that yes I can do this but some lifestyle choices were going to have to change:no more bidding on COACH handbags and wallets on ebay, no more shopping sprees, no excessive eating out, looking into generic instead of name brand groceries, does everything have to be drycleaned?, coupons are your friend,stay home and entertain, alcohol cost money.....things gotta change. But there are some non-negoitables: Dreadlocks must be maintained,gym is a must have, can't get around gas, and I just like bottled water! Change from the frivlous to the important...

Be committed to change and the ups and downs, joys and pains it brings....embrace what it shows and teaches you...be the change...my flight is taking off now...change is eminent!!!

Get at me....

***excuse the typos...I wrote this on the blackberry!****

July 6, 1981....and today I am 9,862 days old

So I made it. 27 years on this earth (or 324 months...). Whew...I'm tired! A lot has happened in 27 years....I was born....cried and pooped, went through some phases of...er...umm....civil disobedience (my mom would probably disagree with that...lol), crashed a car through a closed garage (mom loved that too!!), partied like a rockstar before I had any right to do so, cheered, shot lay ups, dug and spiked, played some instruments, and even went to band camp. Made some friends, lost some friends, fell, got up, fell again...and got up.


Saw giraffes and lions in a far away place, met a sick little girl in an orphanage named Sophie that gave me ultimate perspective. Played some video games, and won some awards. Pledged a sorority, pledged some others and realized the glitch in the matrix. Learned the difference between actions and words and learned to live with integrity. Graduated and then went back to school to do it all over again....Cheered for the Blue Hens, the Wolfpack, the Patriots and now the 49ers. Lived in NY, DE, NC, VA and then back to NC (can't get enough of that sweet tea!). Cried without the poop...cried for me, for others, for my heart. Oh yea and my heart....it's been in a flutter and it's been put in a blender, mixed with acid and powered high on frappe....several times.....


I've been chubby, fit, athletic, fat, fatter, thick and today well let's just say, "not bad!" I have torn an ACL, torn a lateral meniscus, and partially tore my PCL. Struggled with some hormone deficiencies (damn that thyroid disease), something about some grapefruit sized fibroids and even had butt surgery and lived to talk and laugh about it. Eaten meat and now pescaterian (vegetarian with some fish thrown in there for omega 3 goodness!). Had roommates and had myself....moments of Martha Stewart and moments of out right mess. I have fought...for others and for myself....physically and verbally. I have made some threats and kept most promises.

Lots of number, aconyms, and phrases have filled the last 236,688 hours since my birth: 401K, TiAA-CREF, AFA, ACPA, NASPA, RIP, IRS, 9/11, ZPB, 240 East Fulton, 3 Nixon Court, DPHS, #31, "Return to Sender", "Have you lost your mind", "You wanna hit someone....hit me!", MTV, Nickelodeon, 7/12/98, WTF, BBF, LOL, MP3, "What we had was good, but I fell in love with her", "either you're good or you suck" (McRee), "You're a ROCKSTAR!" (Sopher)....."i feel some type of way..." 1080, 980, 27, $4.09 in GAS!, "Michelle is a smart student, but she talks too much...", litigation, diposed, MasterCard, 11124 Derryrush, 3.2 GPA, 11.4 gm/dl, "you so deserve to be loved sooooooooo deep......nothing less then all" (JG).


I have worked....i have worked hard!...in a daycare, at Carvel, at a Vet, at John Anthony's on the Water (where I learned everything there is to know about wedding planning and mixology!), at Bennigan's and as an RA.....today you can just call me Associate Dean :) I have screamed, yelled, pouted, shutdown, opened up. I had religion, lost it, and then found it in a monestary. I have been a good girl, a bad girl and at times a down right naughty girl. I have travelled, I have facilitated...most times I travel and facilitate. There have been 2 car accidents, both not my fault...but there have been several traffic violations (ugggghhh I-85..."I swear officer I wasn't going that fast!").


There have some real let downs.....U of Richmond, U of Maryland, Student Body President, Spirit Ambassador, CH, RB, JF and of course dad...to name a few...but you gotta see darkness before you see light right? So the let downs just made way for amazing highlights!: UD, NC State, Outstanding Graduate Student, mom and you...JG (wink).....the best is yet to come right?

Inhale, exhale...27 years is a long time and a lot has happened.....I guess this is what they call life....I wasn't really looking forward to 27....I just wanted today to wash over me. I have hit the late 20's and the melodramatic part of me feels like I have one foot in the grave....however looking back on the things, places, and people who have shaped who I am, today on the 27th year of my life i feel ok...even good and ready to attack another year.....or maybe 27 more years....Here's to 27 more and thank you to those that have made it wonderful!!!

Get at me....